His plan

I believe in forever. I believe in Him. I believe in His plan.

Although I am still trying to figure it all out, and will for a long time, I love to see the way He unfolds profound pieces of that plan so clearly... so perfectly...so COMPLETELY.

I have always wanted a daughter. Even though I love both of my boys more than life, with each of them, I had secretly hoped they were my little girl I always thought I would have.

*Side Note: I met Cameron (my step-daughter, even though I despise that word...it sounds so evil) when she was just 21 months old. I fell in love with her. She was adorable. I knew that she already had a mommy, so I knew I had to be very careful. And I knew that it wouldn't be easy. But she made her way into my heart quickly. I truly love her as my own & consider her my own in a sense. We are raising her and have complete custody of her. So I know she is a daughter to me, and nothing will ever change that.*

So during these months when all I could think about was this special spirit that we believed we had waiting for us, I started thinking about names. It wasn't hard. The only names coming to me were precious girl names and then, deep in my heart and soul, I believed this would be my little girl.

Jeremy and I have been blessed with amazing women in our lives. Our mothers are absolutely the BEST! Truly. Our grandmothers...SO SPECIAL!! I have always loved being named after my grandmother. So we knew we wanted our little girl to have a beautiful name to reflect the lovely women in our family and to have a special link to them.

I have always loved the name Carly. It is so feminine, dainty, & girly to me. When thinking about the baby and possible names I discovered that when I spelled the name K-a-r-L-e-e, it would contain the name Lee.

My mother's middle name and her maiden name is Lee.

Also in KarLee, is the name Laree. My grandmother's name. My middle name. I loved it!!

And for middle names we knew we wanted the name to represent Jeremy's side of fabulous women.

Jeremy's grandmother's name is Katie. His mother's middle name is Catherine. We fell in love with a mixture of the 2 names. Kate. (when you look up the name Catherine, Kate is listed as a form of that name) Wow! Her middle name would be after BOTH of them! (This also continued our pattern of "K or C" names for each of our children)

Therefore, we knew immediately if she was a girl, she would be our precious:

KarLee Kate

That was it! No more thinking of names.

We knew.

And we all adored it! It gave me goose bumps just to think about it.

So we referred to baby as, KarLee.

We had our second ultrasound on May 27th. Too early to tell for sure, but doc said he gave a 90% chance it was a girl. So he scheduled the next ultrasound for 4 weeks later and said he would know for sure.

We all wanted a girl. Even the big brothers.

But more than anyone, big sis Cameron really wanted a sister. She has asked us for a sister since the day her little brother was born! Even when we explained to her that we were probably not going to have anymore, she still asked. And I know she didn't stop wishing & praying for one!

Since we had been calling her KarLee all along, I did need to explain to them that there was a chance she might not be a girl. Just incase. But, it didn't stop us. Even when people asked about boy names, we told them we didn't think we needed one.

June 18th. Ultrasound day.

Little did I know what a special & memorable day this would be for us.

We brought Cameron.

They took us right back and not long after looking at measurements and sizes, she said, "Do you want to know what you are having?" Of course, we all replied, "Yes!"

"You are having a... GIRL."

I will never forget that moment.

Tears of complete joy streamed down my face. I looked at Jeremy & Cam.

Jeremy smiled ever so sweetly at me.

He grinned from ear to ear.

He laughed.

Cam's eyes were overflowing with excitement. We asked the tech to please let Cameron hear KarLee's heartbeat. She did. Cameron smiled even bigger. Then they moved me to a different room and J & C went to the waiting room. Which was nice. I had quite a few moments to myself, waiting for the doctor. The door closed and the tears came again. I offered heartfelt prayers of sincere gratitiude.

It was so much more than just confirming the sex of our baby.

It confirmed to me what I felt in my heart all along.

It confirmed to me again, that God knows me.

He knows my desires. He answers prayers. He grants me joy.

He loves me.

I couldn't contain my excitement so I sent out a text to some special people, letting them know we were having a girl. Then sent a text to my hubby in the other room, thanking him for helping to make all my dreams come true.

When the doctor came in he congratulated me, (he knew we wanted a girl) then he said, "It looks like you are a little farther along then we thought, your new due date is

November 27th."

Wow. My heart truly skipped a beat. Joy filled my soul. My eyes were once again wet.

Again, I felt the love of my Father in Heaven. I felt as though I could almost reach out and touch the link between heaven and earth.

November 27th.

May just sound like a regular day. But not to our family. This is Jeremy's grandmothers birthday. Katie V's special day that she was brought into this world. She passed away in 2004 and we miss her dearly. Jeremy has a special love for her that I admire. He loves to tell stories about her and we love to reminisce of special times spent with her. We think of her often and smile when we think of her cute chuckle. We pull out her cookbook and make recipes out of it, just because it was hers. We use her funny little phrases sometimes, and then we both just laugh. We tell the kids the special names she use to call them, like "Miss Molly", and "turtle." We talk about her "magic" cookies and how they could cure anything, especially a grouchy or fussy little boy.

And even though we know our sweet KarLee may not be born on this exact day, we know families are special. We know that God's plan is so much more greater than we could ever imagine. If this pregnancy had gone according to my plan, the timing and the whole experience would have been so different.

We know He leads our lives and we are proud of that.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

We also know that:

In all we do, when we acknowledge Him, He will direct our paths.

And for these things, I am ever SO grateful!!

No empty chairs...

Life doesn't always go the way we plan. I believe it's because it's not our plan that matters most. It's His. Our father in heaven has designed a beautiful plan for each of us. I love the plan that has been designed for me. I absolutely love my life and am thankful for every moment of it! I am in awe when I reflect on how blessed I am. In every decision I make, I truly try hard to listen to my heart. My heart guides me in ways that are sometimes too hard to even describe. Like how my heart can be so FULL, so full, yet not complete!

If you know me, you know I love children. I adore babies. I love everything about them. I love the scripture in Matthew 18, when the disciples came unto Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" And Jesus called a little child and set him in the midst of them. Jesus said, "Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble themselves as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven."

And my favorite part: "And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name, receiveth me."

Children are special. Our children are extremely special... to us. My life would not be complete without them. For awhile, I did feel complete. Then, I couldn't help but feeling quite often, incomplete, as though something was missing. Hard to describe even. It couldn't possibly be another child, because our family was perfect. His, mine, ours...yet all OURS. Besides, our children were so much older. Our oldest was 12 (when I began to feel this way) and our youngest was 5! Too many years apart to have another one!! I had told everyone we were "finished." Even though, every time the words came out, I knew deep inside I would LOVE to have another one. But figured that was just the baby lover in me.

So, just like when anything else is missing there are only 2 things to do. Pray first, then look for it! And so I did. I prayed...ALOT!

During that time, Jeremy and I sat in each other's arms one night, underneath the moon and stars. We discussed life. OUR life. How grateful we were to be where we were, yet a little uncertain of what was next...for we BOTH agreed something was missing. My awesome hubby felt it too! We both decided to each go on a personal search.

Sweet little inspirations filled my daily thoughts.

I recalled a special conversation with my father in law one Christmas time when he saw me holding a friends baby. He walked by and said, "You know, you have a special sparkle in your eye when you have one of those in your arms. When are you going to have another one?" (Almost took my breath away when he said it...only because you would have to know him...but it touched my heart)

And as I prayed about this, my answer was the same each time. "Melissa, you already know what is missing." We experienced more sweet inspirations during this time, special ones from each of our children at different times, all confirming to us that we do not want any empty chairs in heaven.

For months, I could not stop thinking about a precious baby. Actually, it was all I could think about. Consumed my every thought, like NEVER before.

I looked into my heart and discovered what I already knew. Our family was not complete.

We have another child waiting for us.

This we KNEW. And even though it had been confirmed to us, I still tried to rationalize all the "worldly" factors. But for every excuse I came up with there was another heartfelt answer to take it's place!

So, excitedly, I looked at the calendar and started planning it all! I had decided when I wanted to start trying & when I would like the baby to be born, all conforming to our life and the way I thought would be wonderful! When I saw that it was not going according to my desires, I got a little frustrated. My husband just laughed a little and said, "I think it's kind of funny that you are trying to tell God how YOU want this all to go."

He was right. Oh, so right.

This was such a special time for us, but we were not going to tell anyone that we were trying. (well, except for my sweet mother...she is such a blessing to me and I needed her encouragement) We wanted to tell our loved ones in a special way when we had good news to share.

On Mother's Day, coming home from church, each of our children were given a personal letter and their own ultrasound picture from their baby. As they each read their letter, I watched as their eyes grew bigger in excitement mixed with a little confusion. We explained that yes, WE ARE HAVING A BABY!

They were so precious and so thrilled! They couldn't believe it!

Our day of excitement continued...we had my mother and family over for lunch. After everyone ate, grandma received a card from each of our children. She read all 3 and loved them, but still had one more card to read that said grandma on the outside. She knew right away! I told her to keep reading, then she saw the ultrasound photo. She was over joyed! Then the tears came. For her and I.

Next stop...Nana & papa's house.

The kids had been holding their special secret in all day. (We asked them not to say anything until the grandparents read their letters) After being at N & P's for just a short while (minutes) they were busting at the seams. Kyle came over and whispered to me, "Can we PLEASE tell them now?"

The kids went to give their cards to nana, and Chris said, "Papa you might want to come over for this." So he came over and watched nana open her Mother's Day cards. Each card contained a gift certificate to fun places. Then they handed her a scrapbook page, that summarized each gift cert. and it's monetarily worth, then turned it over with an ultrasound photo that read, A gift of love that will last forever...priceless!

They were also thrilled! What a SPECIAL day!

Sweet Summertime!

Then followed that beautiful season... Summer....
Filled was the air with a dreamy and magical light; and the landscape
Lay as if new created in all the freshness of childhood.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I LOVE the summertime! I have such sweet memories of just enjoying the summer as a child. No extravagant vacations, no tropical getaways...just pure childhood enjoyment! Going barefoot, playing in the hose, staying up late, drinking lemonade and trying to sell it, swimming with friends, getting burnt, building forts, visits to grandparents, going to the lake, seeing our cousins, ahhh...those were the days! Summer is SWEET!

I am extra grateful to be in the profession that allows me to have summers off with my children. That is a HUGE blessing to me & I would not have it any other way. Although, our summers now are a little different than when I grew up, I try to keep the creativity there. We love to "imagine and plan", we love to"create," we love to just enjoy the careless days and fun-filled nights! I TREASURE the summer time with my kiddos & I hope they do too.